CO-PARENTING AFTER DIVORCE 
WHAT IS IT? 
HOW CAN COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE HELP?

Even though parents are separating and / or divorcing, their relationship does not end—it just changes.  They are no longer lovers, but partners in the raising of their children—a term we call co-parents.  It is not a legal term, but a state of behaving for the sake of the children.

To successfully accomplish this, parents must grow, change, and mature for the sake of the children.  The parents need to learn how to develop a new relationship, that of co-parents and business partners.  This process can take a while and while psychotherapy can be very helpful in allowing it to happen, so can the Collaborative Divorce Model.

Through Collaborative Law, including the use of a mental health coach, the parties can keep the lines of communication open and have several professionals working together as a team to assist them through this life changing experience of divorce.  A goal of Collaborative Divorce is to assist clients in looking at how their current behaviors may or may not be helping them to have a healthy divorce and providing clients with information that will promote a healthier ‘co-parenting relationship’  post divorce.  It’s a forward thinking process, proven to be effective for MANY divorcing parties. 

Child related discussions that the co-parents will need to address, and which collaborative divorce will help with, include but are not limited to discussions on short term issues of: homework, health, friends, sleeping, eating, driving, owning a car, discipline, minor changes to the parenting plan, unscheduled events, upcoming school or extra curricular activities, emergencies, transportation, etc.

The business partners will need to determine how, when and where they will communicate.  How often?  This can all be determined through the collaborative process.  The Collaborative Coach can be especially helpful with this.

Co-parents also need to talk about the long term issues of what school a child should attend; making a major change in the parenting time plan, school holidays, summer vacations and birthdays.  Once again a plan will be needed for how often, when and where the co-parents will meet.  

A factor that influences the success of parents’ ability to co-parent cooperatively is where the parents are in the grief process.  If someone is stuck in denial, anger or blaming, it will be more difficult to co-parent than if they are further along in dealing with the divorce.  If the other parent is not able to work cooperatively with you, your task is to put on your ‘adult’ hat and respond in a proactive, mature way, not in a reactive, immature, hostile way.  Professionals including collaborative lawyers. coaches, and mediators, preferably trained in mental health can ably assist parents in this effort.  If parents are doing things better and ‘healthier’, then children are the direct beneficiaries.